A Song A Day in April

by Val Esway

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about

A Song a Day in April

I'm Val Esway and I would like to warmly welcome you to A Song a Day in April, wherein I sift through and dust off old songs, new songs, and demos that have never seen the light of day (and perhaps, a few that never were *meant* to see the light of day!).

I'll mostly be posting previously unreleased demos, most of them largely unedited, many recorded moments after I wrote them, or even AS I was writing them, many written through my participation in the Immersion Composition Society.

In some of my previous years of living, I've begun each year by writing one song each day for as long as I could manage to keep it going. But at this particular point in my life, I'm doing a lot of looking back.

April is the month of my birth, and possibly it’s purely coincidental that I'm turning 41 this month and so, perhaps, you could call this a part of my mid-life crisis, who knows? I've been feeling pretty creatively blocked over the last couple of years, and this project began in part because I was revisiting some of my orphaned songs in an attempt to get myself unstuck. In the process I realized that maybe I wasn’t stuck after all – maybe I was just working on finding my way.

Anyway, I discovered a few gems – and a few turds too – but mostly just had a great time revisiting the orphans! Some of them I may never want to revisit again, others may find their way into my live performances. For now, I'm just having fun digging through the old stuff, taking stock and working on finding a place from which to spring forward. I'm hoping that perhaps there are a few people out there who might appreciate this process and want to listen in!

Not sure where we're going to end up, but am looking forward to the journey, and am delighted to have you riding shotgun with me.

My goal is to post one song per day, so I hope you'll check back often - you never know what you're gonna hear!

credits

released April 1, 2010

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Val Esway Oakland, California

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Track Name: Mid-life Crisis
Mid-life Crisis

time is slipping through your hands
your legs feel just like rubber bands
you haven't seen the light of day
it seems the night is here to stay

(did you get what you needed?
did you do what you wanted?)

one day closer to the end
you never know just where you'll land
you better love what is right now
can't take it with you anyhow

(did you do what you wanted
did you get what you needed?)
Track Name: Dog Love
dog love

i'll love you when it's early in the morning
i'll love you at the end of every day
when the next new day comes i'll still love you so much
cause i just love you and that's how it's gonna stay

i'll love you when you feed me in the morning
i'll love you when you even when it's not dinner time
when you take me for walks, how i wish i could talk
and say i love you more and more all the time

i love you when you pet me so sweetly
i love you even when i don't obey
how i try to be good and i know that i should
but i still love you, even when you go away
yes i love you and that's how it's gonna stay
Track Name: Montecito Avenue
When I was a little girl my mama said to me
"I forbid you to play with those kids across the street"
Of course that only made me want to go there all the more
This family had no furniture, beer bottles on the floor

One day I went with them to the store
They ran out of cigarettes, their mama needed more
There was a sticker inside their van
With words I never will forget
And this is what it said...

Born in a mountain
Raised in a cave
Truckin' and fuckin'
Are all that I crave

One day I came home from school
This family was gone
Just a bunch of cigarette butts
Beer bottles on the lawn

I never did see then again
I wonder where the road took them
Still I never will forget
The words they left me with
Forever in my head...

Born in a mountain
Raised in a cave
Truckin' and fuckin'
Are all that I crave
Track Name: Truth Teller
Truth Teller

truth teller truth teller
shut your big mouth
i don't want to hear all the
truth you spill out

i don't wanna know
all the thoughts in your head
so please shut your mouth
you are driving me mad

truth teller truth teller
you're a big bore
i don't want to hear about
your open sore

i don't want to know
what you think of my hair
it's hard to believe but
i don't fucking care

truth teller truth telller
here's a surprise
i think you could do with
a few little lies

or maybe you could for once
say something say something nice
i know it seems hard
but just give it a try
Track Name: List of Things That Could Go Wrong
(A by no means complete) List of THings That COuld Go Wrong

Your cup of coffee could spill
You could get terribly ill
Something could fall from the sky
Someone could poke out your eye

You could step in a pile of poo
Throw up all over your shoe
fall down into a dark hole
spend all your days with a troll

your toilet could overflow
The traffic could be very slow
Your ring could fall down the drain
You could get caught in the rain

All your equipment could break
You could get burned at the stake
The check could get lost in the mail
Your best intentions could fail
Track Name: Failure Notification
Your failure notification arrived while you were on vacation
And your dog, she chewed right through it so you never even knew it...

So you never read the letter that said that nothing would get better
And that you'd failed the test and all the rest of your days were doomed to failure

But ignorance is sweetest bliss
You never even knew you missed
You never even knew what hit you while you were dreaming
Track Name: If Dogs Ruled the World
If dogs ruled the world, there would be a garbage party every morning and steak for dinner every night.
If dogs ruled the world, every day would include a long walk on the beach, wild romping through the bushes, and unlimited sniffing of the butts of all the other dogs.
If dogs ruled the world, no human would ever beat a dog.
Instead, all humans would exists to please the dogs of the world, and any human that did try to beat a dog would be turned into a cat that would be chased by all the dogs of the world, for the rest of its living days.
Track Name: Tara and Bella
Tara and Bella

I will go wherever you go
I will do whatever you do
I will sleep wherever you sleep
All you do I'm stickin' with you
You're all I need
So stick with me
Track Name: The Last Word
You can have the last word, it's yours to keep forever
You can be right until the end of time
How does it feel to be so clever?
You can believe the things that you want to see
Cut out that piece of your heart
Congratulations on figuring it all out
How does it feel to be so smart?
You take the matches and the gasoline
Burn every bridge that you cross
I'm giving up now, throwing in the towel
You can be the winner, cause I'm lost, so lost
You can walk away, start a whole new life today
I'm sure you'll hold your head up high
Congratulations on figuring it all out
How does it feel to be so right?
You take the high road, carry 'round this heavy load
Take it with you till the bitter end
I'm giving up now, throwing in the towel
You can be the winner, cause I'm spent
You take the matches and the gasoline
Burn every bridge that you cross
I'm giving up now, throwing in the towel
You can be the winner, cause I'm lost, so lost
Track Name: First Day of Winter
The first day of winter, a shortage of sun
this long stretch of darkness has barely begun
And you're getting further and further away
Soon you'll be flying high/on some sunlit highway

And i could never keep you if you don't wanna stay
But my heart's going with you every step of the way
No matter where the road leads you, I can only pray
That you won't forget just how we spent the first winter day

The last days of summer have come and they've gone
I wait for your letter, but it never comes
Soon the cold ground will be covered with frost
And i may be a fool for thinkin' somehow that all hope is not lost

And i could never keep you if you don't wanna stay
But my heart's going with you every step of the way
No matter where the road leads you, I can only pray
That you won't forget just how we spent the first winter day
Track Name: Pretty Neck
You've got such a pretty little neck
I just want to lay my hands over your skin
And slowly start squeezing
Until you stop breathing
You'll be like a little baby bird in my hands
And I'll tear off your feathers
I'll silence your cries
And I'll be the last one
To look in your eyes
And I'll always remember
You looking this way
And I'll carry your pretty neck with me
Until my dying days
Track Name: So Long and Goodnight
Been down so long
Don't know which way is up
Been so far gone
Not sure which way is right
It's been dark so long
Forgot about the light
So I'll say so long
So long and goodnight
Track Name: Baby
Everyone's having a baby
Think I'm gonna have to be my own baby
I still have tantrums to enjoy
I still want to play with my toys
And chase boys

Gonna be my own baby
... or just a crazy old lady...

My little baby likes beer
I've got her 6-pack right here
I'm gonna run in this dress
I'm gonna make a big mess
I confess...

Gonna be my own baby
... or just a crazy old lady...

Crazy baby
Crazy lady
Baby's crazy
Track Name: Nervous Dog Song
Somewhere in a dream, a dog chews on her bone
She is dreaming of the times when she was not alone
Chasing rabbits through the fields with sunlight streaming down
With her companion by her side, free from scary sounds

Somewhere in a dream, a dog lays on her side
She is dreaming of the time her mother was alive
Before the days of Second Street, before she disappeared
Before the days of frolic turned to days of nervous fear

Somewhere in a dream, she's flying with the birds
High above the ocean, and she understands her words
They're flying to her mother, she's flying with her pack
And she doesn't even care if she ever makes it back

Cause here inside this dream, she has all that she needs
And everything she's ever loved is everything she sees
Here inside this dream, a dog wants nothing more
And nothing now could wake her but your footsteps at the door
Track Name: Ghost Bets
Have another beer again
All your friends are here again, you better go get dressed
The writing's on the wall again, you are feeling small again
You better clean this mess

Sink into your chair again
How will you even care again?
The ghosts have placed their bets

The kitchen is a mess again
Your head is without rest again
Your timing's not the best
The demons will attest

Close your eyes
Till new sunrise

Don't pick up the phone again
You're gonna be alone again
You better try to clean this mess
Waiting for the rain again
The feeling is the same again
The ghosts have placed their bets
Track Name: Drunken Piss
How sick are you of all of this?
Are you just full of drunken piss?
Can it fill this emptiness, or just fuel this hopelessness?

How sick are you of this day?
So sick you're going to piss it away
Until the next bomb explodes, until your story's old?

How sick are you of standing still?
Did you find your magic pill?
Does it lead to more drunken piss, now how sick are you of all of this??
Track Name: Shed Your Skin
Once was a woman who peeled off her skin
She thought it might make her feel new again
So she shed her skin

Once was a woman who cut out her eyes
So she wouldn't have to see have to see monsters at night
So she cut out her eyes

Begin again, shed your skin
Track Name: Lullaby From a Drunk
So long, my dear
I'll wait right here
While you're away
I'll drink every day

And I won't cry
Cause I'll be too high, my dear

While you're away
I'll think of you every single day
As I drink the days away

And I won't cry
Cause I'll be too high
While you're away
I'll think of you every single day
As I drink the days away, my dear
Track Name: Requiem
The page is blank
Erase your picture from my memory bank
There is no hate
Just a clean slate
Now it's a new day

There's only now, there's only here
No going back, no time for tears

There's no regret
Now I'll forget all that you ever meant
Track Name: Paper Doll
It's like staring into the blazing sun
when I look into your eyes, my bitter love
You know I can never get enough
even when you blow me off like dust

How can you make me feel so small,
just like a lonely lonely paper doll?

It's like drowning in storming raging seas
that's what you do to me, my bittersweet
And every time that I come up for air
I sign up for another round even though I know
you don't play fair

And you make me feel so small,
just like a lonely lonely paper doll
Track Name: Dirty Words
Dirty words

long ago and far away
there was a girl who liked to play
with paper and crayons and dirty words
there were a few that she had heard

(like hell and damn and shit and fuck
and son of a bitch and go piss off)

and when her playmates made her mad
or maybe it was her mom and dad
she'd vent her anger on the page
a colorful letter full of her rage

(and she'd write hell and damn and shit and fuck
son of a bitch, go piss off)

then she would fold the page so neat
and quietly march down the street
and drop her letter into the mail
and leave behind her angry tales

(she never wrote a name or address
she never even used a stamp
she sent her anger out into the void
there's just no telling how many postal workers she annoyed)
Track Name: Twelve Pills
I'm giving my time for you
I'm stepping in slime for you
I'm sleeping with swine for you
I dressed up real fine for you

I opened the gate for you
I'm saving a plate for you
Twelve pills I ate for you
And now I don't ache for you
Track Name: Same Old Song & Dance
Same old song and dance
She never stood a chance
She never took the reigns
She never saw it coming

Same old tired story
She stood have stood her ground
She never saw the signs
Till shit was pouring down
Track Name: Ten Kinds of Sadness
Ten kinds of sadness fill up the room
All of this will be so different soon
If you took my picture, you still wouldn't see
Half of the sadness that's swarming me

I am swimming in rivers of deep dark blue
Ten kinds of sadness, so far from you

Ten kinds of sadness, but I won't cry
Ten kinds of sadness for company tonight
If I took your picture, there still wouldn't be
A fraction of you that I could keep
Track Name: Done
Stick a fork in me, I'm done
Like a piece of meat that gets stuck in your teeth
Like a burnt up ham that gets stuck to the pan
You want to throw it away, too tired to scrub all day
I'm done

Burnt to a crisp, I hate these days like this
I'm like burnt up toast, or that moldy old roast
I'm just done, so done.